Saturday, August 29, 2009

Blind Date What?!

I agreed to go on 2 blind dates this weekend – one tonight (Friday) & one either on Saturday or Sunday, the 2nd date is not confirmed because I have other plans on Saturday.

Tonight’s date was a disaster. My friend thought this guy was cute & I thought he was FUUUUUUGLY! Not only was he note cute, he was rude, had bad body language, poor grammar, and horrible dining manners lol. Who the hell rates guys on all this stuff? No one other than me! We met up at a local restaurant, restaurant of my choice actually. When I arrived his first comment was wow you really are smokin. I just smiled, but wanted to punch him in the eye. Thanks for the compliment, but could you say it with a little more class? We didn’t really have anything in common (and I was annoyed by his “compliment”) so when we finally got our table, there was like an awkward silence. When our waiter came to the table, dude didn’t even wait for the waiter to ask what we wanted to drink, instead he says um can you hurry up & bring me a coke. FAILURE! The entire date! I matter of factly (soooo not a real word the alcohol made me type it) advised him that we wouldn’t be seeing each other again because of his rude behavior. Then I called up my friend & asked her what the hell she was thinking along with a few other cuss words! I hope date 2 goes better than date 1!

Date 2 has potential, he went to a great college where he played football. He has a career doing what he loves, he sounds intelligent, from pictures he’s pretty good looking, & our conversations have been interesting. No true dull moments yet with date #2 over the phone – so maybe he won’t be so bad!

Anyways! I’ll blog more tomorrow – got some other stuff on my mind, but I’m too tired to post more, MUST GET SLEEP & GO RUNNING IN THE MORNING!

Later taters!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Red Velvet Cheesecake YUM!

OMG! I want a piece of cheesecake from Cheesecake velvet cheesecake to be exact.

I shouldn't even be thinking about food at this hour, but num num @ this cheesecake lol! I WILL be visiting the Cheesecake Factory next week!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now

Who the hell really says that right?! Well everyone, but not everyone is willing to admit it.

HOWEVER, I’m willing to admit that I’ve made some mistakes, I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I’ll make more mistakes in the future.

I wish that I would have made more responsible decisions in my past, but that's all behind me. I can be more responsible in the future though…

Here’s my list of things I wish I knew then:

  • Being successful is great, but along with that success sometimes comes loneliness.
  • Money does not define who you are, only you can define who you are!
  • People will befriend you because they think they can benefit from what you have & not from who you are on the inside!
  • TRUE friends will be there through thick & thin, no matter how much you argue and/or fight, they’ll always have your back.
  • Student loan debt is a MF, be responsible & only take out the amount you need for school, not the amount you need for school & the amount you need to “have fun” while at school. Paying the loans back SUCKS ASS! I HATE STUDENT LOAN PAYMENTS!
  • Just because it’s shiny, it sparkles, and it’s new that doesn’t mean you can’t live without it!
  • Love will find you, there’s no point in looking for love.
  • Having an affair with a married man will only leave you with loads & loads of heartache, it’s not worth it. Just say no – kinda like what you should say to (illegal) drugs!
  • Your parents generally know what the hell they’re talking about.
  • Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer!
  • If a man is not willing to accept you for who & what you are, walk away because he doesn’t deserve you!
  • If a man has multiple children by multiple women, he’s probably a dog!
  • If a man has children & doesn’t pay child support, he’s not worth your time! If he isn’t taking care of his kids, why the hell would he take care of you?
  • If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, then HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP! Don’t be foolish & try to convince him that he does!
  • When you can’t figure out what to do, turn on some music & dance your problems away.
  • Partying & drinking all night the day before a flight & then rushing through one of world’s craziest airports in a foreign country is a very dumb thing to do.
  • Partying & drinking all night the day before an 8 hour flight is even more insane, hungover motion sickness on a plane is terrible especially when crossing the Atlantic or Pacific ocean!
  • Breaking the heel on your favorite Nine West shoes because you ran through the airport to make your connection is totally worth it, being stuck overnight in a great city, but a roach motel is NOT worth it!
  • You’ll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar!
  • Don’t worry about what your “friends” are doing, worry about what you are doing & what you plan to do – only you can determine your destiny!

So that’s my list of “I wish I knew then what I know now.” The last few years I’ve gone through so many ups & downs, bad relationships, bad friendships, good friendships, good fun, good times, & good memories. I don’t want to look back & say I wish I would have, I want to look back & say this is what I did, this is what I learned, and this is how I grew!

What do you wish you knew then?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Career Frustrations

Has anyone else ever felt like they are stuck in perpetual motion as far as their career goes? Almost like you know you want to advance in your career, you don’t want to be labeled as a job hopper, but you realize that there’s very little room to move in your current position? Well that’s where I am right now in my career.

I thought I was on track to learn more about a different area of my job, but it seems as if some people and or projects are blocking that. The story behind this is pretty strange from my point of view. I have a coworker who has been my advocate since day 1 of me starting with the company. I’ve talked with him about what I want to do & how I see myself progressing through my career with the company. (Notice I say career because I do want to make this a long term thing) He’s been the big push to move me forward, I’ve learned a lot about our product, how it works, and have done a few demos for internal & external customers. I’ve also helped on some pre-sales activities, but I haven’t played as much as an active role in the pre-sales/sales cycle as I would like to. I’m assigned to a project with people who I feel are holding me back from pursuing the other side of what I’d like to do. I know that it’s not all about me, we must do what’s best for the project & the company, but I see no reason why I can’t take on a few extra duties. It’s not as if I don’t work at least 10-12 hours a day if not more! I’m willing to take on extra because I’m willing to learn, grow, and help others! Each time I’m given an opportunity there are 2 people who make it virtually impossible for me to explore the opportunity. The first time there were statements that “she can help with the first session, but not the second because we need her on x project,” the second time around was “we’re at too critical a stage in the project for her to shift her focus off of this & help with pre-sales/sales.”

NOW what annoys me about this situation…2 things: There are 2 business people assigned to my project, me & another person. The other person isn’t responsible, he’s borderline lazy, he’s not proactive & complains about how everything isn’t “right.” (That’s merely his opinion) I think the thought is if I were to shift my focus even the slightest bit, the project may fail because the other person wouldn’t be up to the challenge of doing what I do….even though he has much longer tenure & project experience than I do. The other thing is that when someone else from the project, say someone on another team such as testing, is asked if he/she will do some pre-sales/sales support, the answer is always yes. There’s never any push back from the project manager or any others. The only push back that exists is when someone asks me to help with other activities that aren’t focused on this one project that I’m assigned to.

I’m becoming rather annoyed with this because I have expressed to many people at many different levels within our company that I want to & CAN handle additional responsibilities that aren’t project related. I’ve done a bit of it before when I wasn’t assigned to the project that I’m on now, but since this assignment people have made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to learn & grow. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do, you know….what happens when your company’s goals and your own career goals don’t come close to matching up? Is it then time to move on? I don’t particularly want to move on because I have invested so much time into what I do & just as I have invested time, the company has invested time & money into me. I mean really, the opportunities have been great so far, traveling the US & the world is awesome. I won’t give that up right now, but I need to figure something out. Any advice? Anyone else in the same situation?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

What A Week!!!

This week was a long week, it was a stressful week, I thought that I was going to scream at every single person I work with. I mean it was almost a bit ridiculous! Some days I just can’t get enough, other days I’ve had waaaaaay too much!

So what’s up you ask?!?! I’m moving back into my condo after 2 years of not living there. I purchased the condo back in 2005, lived in it until 2007 & then moved to a bigger city to start on my MBA. After a year of working full time, traveling both in and out of the US, and trying to keep up with course work, I realized that I was failing miserably at school & something had to give. Because I’ve got a totally awesome (yes stressful) job, I knew that my MBA had to be put on hold for a while. At least until I could get my comfortable in my job. I moved back to the town that I semi grew up in (military brat remember) & got an apartment. I didn’t move back into my condo immediately because I was renting it out. Renting a property that I wasn’t able to check into on a monthly basis – bad idea, terrible idea actually. My condo is empty, I’ve started to assess the damage done by others and it’s ridiculous that people could be so careless with something that doesn’t belong to them!

Most of my weekends will be spent getting the house back into a condition that I would like to live in! I had a professional carpet cleaning company come in to salvage the carpet!! Thankfully, the carpet looks great post cleaning, minus the marker spots in the master bedroom. Next week I expect to have the condo professionally painted & now I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the paint color that I picked out! Anyways, it’s a really warm gold tone & I like it! I’ve already put up wooden blinds in both bedrooms, but still have to replace the blinds in the living room and kitchen. I’m also toying with the idea of hardwood floors. I haven’t made a decision one way or another, but I think hardwoods would look great in my place!

I hope the next couple of months fly by & the transition from my apartment to my condo goes smooth! Boy have I learned some lessons from this landlord thing, I don’t think I’ll ever try to do this again; at least not until I have more time to manage it personally! Trying to manage such a thing from another Country, let alone another State is horrifying! It angers me that people don’t respect the property of others, but I guess we all live and learn huh?

On a lighter note, I have fallen in love with Banana Republic’s pants. I heart that place!! 36 inch inseam pants means that I can now wear dress pants AND high heels to work, I don’t have to sacrifice one for the other AND thanks to my corporate card rewards program, I have tons of Banana Republic gift cards! Ladies you know what that means right?! TIME TO SHOP!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Hello world!

Welcome, bienvenue, willkommen! So my first blog post here on Blogger & I'm not even sure what to say. I guess I'll start by giving you a bet of info about myself. I'm a 20 something college graduate trying to figure out my way through life, love, and my kinda super awesome career. I'm a fun loving, good natured, silly woman. I love going out with my girls, but I also appreciate a nice quiet night cuddled up with a blanket on my couch & a glass of wine. I'm an air force brat & a bit of a daddy's girl - my family is the most important thing to me & your family should be the most important thing to you! :)

This blog is intended to be an outlet for me, so get ready for a bunch of rants & raves about life's ups & downs.

Enough with the intros - my first real post

Here it is, a Saturday night, almost Sunday morning & I am sitting at home....drinking a glass of wine & enjoying the peace & quiet of my house - well except for my iPhone text message noise. 

My mind is filled with all kinds of thoughts tonight, some days I'm not sure where I'm going.  I know where I've been, where I don't want to be again, but I don't know where I'm going.  It's like I'm lost in a midst of ideas - ideas of what other people think my life should be like.  I don't follow a crowd - I'm the crowd leader & it's so unlike me to NOT KNOW my own next steps.  Alot of my friends are either getting married or having babies, needless to say I'm a career woman, and right now I don't want any babies (especially not out of wedlock).  I haven't been in a serious relationship since 2007 & I'm so unsure if I'll find a man who's ready for a serious relationship anyway.  I'm just so uncertain at the moment. 


My last serious relationship ended badly & I mean very badly.  I was extremely hurt, I won't go into details because there's no point in rehashing it, but I was more in love with him than he was with me.  I gave more than 100% of myself to him, I got lost in him, he was my everything & that was the biggest mistake of my life.  I never should have made him the center of my universe - soooooooo wasn't worth it.  After we broke up, my career took a drastic turn for the better & I threw myself into a new job with new people & new experiences.  At first it was great, but I found myself lonely & turning to yet another toxic relationship with a coworker who was (well still is) married.  I had never met someone like him & he had never met someone like me - we just clicked from the time we met to the first time to the first time we danced together, then to the first time we kissed, & you know what happened after that.  Initially I was so intrigued by him, he left me speechless, he literally swept me off of my feet.  We're total opposites, he's conservative, quiet, a bit laid back, & almost comes off as shy until you get him to open up; me - I'm the mix and mingle girl that everyone wants to know, the young career minded, determined, and motivated head turner at our company, I'm not shy in the least, not at all. Anyways, somehow we've managed to have this ongoing (more simply stated) sexual relationship that we've tried to end on many occasions, but always wind up in a situation where we can't control our minds or our bodies.  I know it's wrong & so many times I tell myself I'm going to walk away & I am, but I want to walk away to someone.  I don't want to walk away & know that I have no one to fill the void.  One day in my life I am going to look back on this and realize how terrible of a person I am....I hope.


You know that TLC song What About Your Friends? hehehe I used to love that shit!  My friends - well, they're all different.  I'm a girl with tons of friends, I can hang out with pretty much anyone.  The really sad and frustrating thing is that none of my friends are like me.  You know that old saying "it's lonely at the top?" I am living proof that the saying is true.  I'm by no means at the top, I'm not even in the prime of my career, BUT I've been blessed with a job like no other.  A job that is totally stressful, that I sometimes devote 12-14 hours a day to, however, the pay is great, my job is flexible, I get to travel a lot, I have worked in several different countries, and I've got tons of  financial industry connections.  However, I have no close friends that do the same thing or make the same kind of money.  Sometimes I want to go out to a really fancy restaurant, but I know that will prompt statements like we don't make as much money as you, or we can't afford it.  That's super frustrating, however, I keep reminding myself that they will soon hit their peak too & I'll be right there with alongside to help them enjoy the fun! 


So I won't tell you what I do, because I do want my blog to remain totally anonymous, but I'll give you some clues.  I work in the financial service industry with several clients, helping them to explore new solutions to realize their business goals & boost their profits.  I started this job several years ago & I've been addicted to it ever since.  Like with any job, this job has lots of ups & downs.  When I first started, as you can imagine, I was totally uncomfortable & lacked a lot of confidence in myself in such a controlling position.  The business plans that I recommended could potentially change a business forever, so they had to be well thought out, highly analyzed plans.  Now that I'm a few years into the job, my confidence has grown & I'm making such a good impression on upper management.  I've been blessed with an opportunity to explore a different area of the business, but my current assignment is holding me back a little bit - once it is over, I should be good to move on & learn new things.  A part of me is excited for what the future holds, but the other part is nervous at the possibility of failure. 

Life....I'm not sure where it's going to take me & I'm not sure if I'm ready for the ups & down to come, but what choice do I have?  I never want to look back & say I wish I would have - I always want to look back at the memories, the pictures, the good times, the smiles, the fun, the laughter, the tears, the pain, the struggle & say this is what I did!

It's late - 12:16 AM to be exact & I need to get to sleep.  Tomorrow is laundry day...ugh! I need a maid!