Monday, March 1, 2010

Unrealistic Expectations?

Have you ever had a friend who doesn't want to hear the truth so they avoid certain subjects?  Well I have a friend who never wants to hear the truth....I'll speak it, I don't care if I hurt your feelings, because if you were truly my friend, I would expect you to do the same for me.  So............

I had dinner with a friend over the weekend when she started talking about marriage & what she would do if someone proposed to her right now, would she cry, would she throw up, would she scream?  Further to that she talked about her ongoing relationship with her boyfriend.  Let me just say that it's not that I don't like her boyfriend and it's not that I do like her boyfriend, I don't know him.  I only know of him what she tells me and what she tells mutual friends.  From what she's told me, he's a bit of an immature jackass.  She's flown all over the world (using her $$) to see this dude countless number of times even though he's told her he doesn't want to be in a relationship and isn't ready for commitment.  (Hello red flag) He's always telling her that she needs to find things to occupy her time, like hanging out with her friends because she's too clingy.  (Another red flag)

Anyways, she told him that they've been together (off and on) for 2 years & she demanded to know where the relationship was going.  I just kinda looked at her because I thought that #1 that was the dumbest thing ever & #2 if dude has told you once before that he didn't want a relationship or commitment why continue to pursue it?  She's dying to get married & I am of the opinion that if it's meant to be, it will be.  Neither party should rush it, neither party should nag the other about getting married, and BOTH parties should have mutual feelings about marriage.  So....being the honest person that I am - I say why do you want to get married so badly?  And she looks at me and says it's not that I want to get married, but I want to know if our relationship is going to lead to that.  My response was well I don't think that's a very fair question to ask him - he's not a fortune teller and he can't see the future so why not just take it one day at a time?  She then goes on to say that she's been talking to another guy (that she met on the internet) who she think is better than her current boyfriend, not that he's a bad guy, but she's sure there are other guys out there that will treat her better. 

At that point I was just tuning her out because in 1 breath she's talking about wanting to know where the relationship with her boyfriend is going to talking about a guy she met on the internet & how he may treat her better than her current boyfriend.  I don't get it & I'm hoping that maybe one of my blog friends can explain this idea that I've heard a lot of 20 somethings talk about....

What is the deal with being so desperate to get married & have kids? What happened to wanting to find out who you are before jumping into a marriage?  What happened to actually bringing something to the table in a marriage? 

8 comments:

Angela said...

I honestly don't know why everyone rushes so quickly into marriage. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, and already we're getting constant questions of "When are you getting married."
Our answer? When we're ready. We want to be more established, have better jobs and more money. We'd like to be able to afford a nice wedding and honeymoon. We want to buy our own home. We'll do it on our own time, not yours!

Rob said...

I've found that people who rush to get married while they're young sometimes do it because they feel like they have to get married to be stable. They feel like they can't start their life without being married. I just hope the poor girl who marries me knows that i will still expect some sense of independence. Not sure marriage is for me.

Becca Christensen said...

I'm with you...no rush. We're young and 'the rest of your life' is plenty long enough.

Love,
B

Annie said...

I'm completely on your side too - marriage and kids are overrated until you've met someone you are actually compatible with.

I'm new to the blog but I like it a lot!

Come visit me at It's Time To Get Over How Fragile You Are sometime!

Annie

Jill said...

I agree with you!
People definitely shouldn't get married until they're ready. I wouldn't want a guy to ask me if he felt forced to do so! Who would want that? Some girls are just desperate and need a man to feel better about themselves.

michelle said...

i wish i knew. i got sucked in by a guy who wanted to get married and have kids before he was 30 (he turned 30 in dec. he was "willing" to wait a year for me though). everything we discussed was about our future together, and he turned out to be all wrong for me. i do want to get married and have kids, but i want the right guy first. my current guy may be him or he may not be, but i'm trying not to let my hopes cloud what is in front of me today.

bottom line: your friend is ridiculous, but she's unfortunately not the only one

Another David said...

I had a cousin who was one of those girls who was BORN to get married. She wound up rushing into things with this creep and getting married, who cheated on her and they were divorced within six months.

On the other hand, I just deleted my profile from a dating site because I realized that I'm 22 and have better things to spend $40/month on.

Daisy said...

I wish I could understand this one too!! :( I tell my nieces all of the time they can't even THINK about getting married until after they've graduated from college and studied overseas for a year. Sure - I don't think you HAVE to do those things to be in a marriage - but I want them to grow up withOUT fanciful notions of being a young wife.